No Blueprint | The Rick H. Show | Ep. 233

EP. 233 — “No Blueprint”

What happens when you’re forced to learn manhood, responsibility, and life without anyone showing you the way?

In this episode of “The Rick H. Show,” Rick Hierro opens up about the reality of growing up without a father figure and the silent pressure that comes with trying to become a man on your own. From learning life lessons the hard way to carrying responsibilities without guidance, Rick speaks honestly about the emotional weight of figuring everything out through experience, mistakes, and survival.

This conversation dives into the pressure of being a provider, the stress men carry silently, and the emotional impact of never having someone there to teach you “the ropes.” But more importantly, it’s about growth, resilience, and becoming the man you needed growing up.

“No Blueprint” is for anyone who ever felt lost, unsupported, or forced to mature too early in life.

Because sometimes life doesn’t hand you instructions… only lessons.

🎙️ EP. 233 — “No Blueprint”
Learning how to be a man without anyone showing you the way.

Transcript

SPEAKER_00 0:55

Welcome, welcome, welcome to the Rick Aid Show. So we just wrapped up the 2 a.m. crew. Today we recorded on Monday. Hence why I couldn't record this episode at nine o'clock on Mondays like I normally do. So my apologies for that. But we are back on time on brand. Well, not on time. It's 11:30 at night. But today's episode is called No Blueprint. And I'll get into the discussion of what that means and what the topic tonight is. Um, last week it was reset. I'm short of rebranding this show, and I have uh a couple episodes I want to get out the way before um I continue interviewing other individuals and sharing their stories and um maybe some life lessons they've learned along the way, and then having fun with individuals that I know and I've created relationships with. But before I do that, this episode is called No Blueprint. So, as you all know, father of three, married man. Um, and sometimes I feel as if there isn't a book or like a nowadays you go to Google for things, you could read up on things, you could ask it all the questions, but um how to be a great husband and a man and a great father. Um it's just not something you could read up or research or look for online. Uh, because every situation is is is different. So this one's called No Blueprint, and I feel like um it's a perfect segue from Reset. So Reset was about the show, the space that I'm currently in, and uh what you can expect from the show moving forward. No blueprint is where I tackle one of my titles, which is well, father and husband, which they both coincide with as part of what being a man is, so that's what uh no blueprint means. And no blueprint means there isn't like a source or a book, like I said, or Google search, or whatever search you can do to find answers to some of the situations you find yourself in, or for advice. So that's why I named this episode No Blueprint. Um so I kind of pretty much already answered this question, no blueprint personally. So uh I grew up in a single-parent household. My mother raised me with uh my three siblings, and um it was a much different dynamic than what my kids are currently growing up in, you know. Um my mother's sisters, my aunts, my godmother, my grandmother, they were heavily involved um in my upbringing. So were my uncles, but I'm don't want this to come off in the wrong way. My uncles were involved, especially my uncle Raymond. But I I always felt growing up my mother and her sisters, my aunts, were really, really invested in me, uh, per se, and my siblings growing up and not feeling like we were missing anything. Um and like life was normal. I I mean I personally I feel like I had a great child, um, but they were there on the day-to-day, my mom and my aunts, my grandmother, um my cousins as well, my older cousins, and they they took the time, you know. They made sure I was studying, made sure I understood. Um, they tried to give me as much skills as I can possibly get, they disciplined me. Um, they tried to uh make sure that I kept my innocence, but also was aware of my surroundings and what was going on in the world. Um so that normally, and I don't want to say normally because every situation is different. Uh all the stuff I was getting from these women and my uncles was normally something you get from a father figure or a male figure in your life that's a constant person um that you develop a bond with. So I didn't have that, but my cousins did like my cousin Emmanuel. Obviously, my uncle was involved in his life. AJ, but my uncle was involved in his life. Gene, Gene's dad was involved in his life. Um, because I I mentioned those three because we're the exact same age, so we were always grouped together along with Desiree. Um, and my uncles were fantastic, they always involved me in everything, and um I never felt as if you know, like I was the odd man out, but there were times as I got older, I realized, you know, you know, Emmanuel has like these special things he does with his father. So does Gene, so does AJ. I don't have those things, so I don't know what those things are. Um, but now that I'm older and I'm the father of three, uh, question that I always ask myself am I doing a good job? Am I a good dad to my kids? Um, what kind of dad should I be? What kind of dad did I need? What kind of dad do they need? Because we have completely different upbringings. So um, these are a lot of things that go through my mind. And I feel like I wrote I wrote some questions down, and I wrote it down in this episode. I feel like addressing it, putting out there, um feeling comfortable sharing these thoughts and these feelings and these emotions um might make it okay for other fathers um to share their stories, and maybe other fathers could reach out and give me uh their perspective on things and tell me how they're feeling. So this is a really good episode. And and no, I'm not doing this because you know Father's Day is coming up or whatever. No, it's just just one of the subjects I wanted to tackle before uh when we were relaunching the show. So that's what it means to me. That's why this episode's named uh No Blueprint. Um, did I realize growing up I was missing guidance? Like I said before, I didn't, you know, I felt like I knew, you know, I have five aunts, and I had an amazing grandmother. Um, and I have some fantastic uncles. My uncle Raymond was an amazing human being, you know, special education teacher, died very young, was um always the one that went out of his way to make sure my cousins and I knew what was going on in the world, tried to educate us, took it, took us to museums, and um tried to instill life lessons uh because they were first, they they were born and raised in DR, and they were moving into this world for a better life, and that better life wasn't for them, it was more for us, and I felt like my uncle understood that early on, and in my aunt candida, which I'm gonna talk about in a little bit, and they made it their life's work to be available, be accessible, um, and and give us experiences, right? Uh my uncle passed way too early on for me to even begin to really understand, like as a man now and as an older man, I mean, he was 35, I'm 41. So all the things that he did for me, I appreciate them so much more as I got older and I realized what he was exactly doing for me. He was so wise beyond his years, and um he wanted to give something back to us, not anything monetary. I I feel like he really changed our perspective in life, and he was the first person that I when he passed, it was the first time I was, I would think it was 16, 17, 18, whatever. Um it was the first time I was experiencing seeing loss for the first time. Um, and he gave me so much, but I didn't understand it at the time, and I didn't realize it. So, you know, I I really do appreciate everything, and I wish someday I'm able to, I'm I I know he knows, but it would have been nice to you know have him around and be able to express how much you know I appreciate everything he did for me, and um he would have really loved my my wife and my three children, and it would have been amazing to have him around. So um I I never realized it was missing, like I said. So besides him, you know, my mom is one of six women, and my grandmother had 10 children. Uh I have five amazing aunts. You know, my early years I spent it in the Dominican Republic with my grandmother and my godmother, who's my godmother is my mother's oldest sister. Um, I lived a great life down there. I enjoyed it very much. So although I did miss being with my own mom, um, I appreciated what I got from my grandmother, my godmother, and her cousins. Uh my Aunt Maria was uh I'm gonna go one by one. So my Aunt Maria was was someone that I always felt like she talked to us as adults, she she wouldn't talk to us as kids, like she had adult conversations with us, and and she would have the she would ask us those questions. Well, why did you feel that way? Maybe you should have approached it this way, maybe you should have approached it that way. Like she was always very calm when she had like a conversation with us as uh growing up, and I always felt like if there was someone I could go to and and ask questions to um to get a different perspective, it would be her, right? Uh my aunt Arcellus was the fauna, she always was. Um, she was my my uh mom's youngest sister. Uh she was experiencing life here as a teenager, you know, again, born and raised in DR, and then brought over here as a teenager, and she was figuring things out, her and Gandhi, right? My godmother lived in DR. She was married, had children. She established structure, respect in me, and um gave me fantastic memories down in the Dominican Republic. Uh, that's so that's China, and I mentioned Maria. Uh Chabela was the caregiver. Um, we call her Bela. She was always um the aunt that always said yes. I'll watch the kids, um, I'll I'll cook for them, I'll clean for them. She was always there. She was the person you could always lean on. Um, and she's the second oldest. So, and she was so it's different because some of my aunts are very, you know, they were older and they were more Dominican culture, making sure the culture stays live. Then there was like an in-between, and then they we had Candida and Aurosales who were brought over here as teenagers. Um, so it was a like a good dynamic. Uh Bela always was the caretaker. Candida was the one that would wanted to provide structure, vision, planning, um, wanted you to do well in school. She was hell-bent on making sure that you did your homework and you understood you understood what you were doing, what you were reading, um, made made sure that you understood that. I think all kids go through this in Spanish households, like you never want to eat the cooked food when you're young, but when you're older, you're like, oh my God, I was such an idiot. She she she wanted us to know, like, hey, you know, not everybody gets a home cooked meal. Um, so she wanted us to appreciate life, uh, understand what school meant and what we needed to do there, and push us to be the best person that we could be. Um, like I said, and then Arisadas was the younger aunt that was in closer in age could relate to you, but wanted to have fun, wanted to show you what fun was, wanted to show you what uh this like my music taste. Some of it comes from her, like very early on. She would show me different kinds of music. It wasn't just um, you know, Juan Luis Guerra or Fernandito Vellona or like Dominican artists, it was it was a different, it was like a melting pot of everything she would bring to the table. So um, did I think I was missing guidance? No. Um, my uncles were there to provide a male example uh and for advice, but each one of my uncles, with the exception of Raymond, had their own family to tend to. So it wasn't like they could dedicate a whole lot of time to me personally on a one-on-one level. Only my uncle Raymond could do that, so I didn't really feel like I was missing um a guidance, but I did was aware of the situation that I did not have someone who was there to bring me along the way. Um, and it became more apparent as I got older and I got into my teenage years. Um my mother was very good. She was, I always say this, I think my mother was um the type of mother that I needed for me specifically. Uh my mother, yes, she has rules, and there were certain things she wanted done, but she was very understanding. Um she would again, like Maria, like talk to me in a manner where she wanted me to understand, right? Um I'm asking you to do this because of this, because this is what's going on, and I need to, for example, like if when I was younger, I went out, and as most young teenagers do, they want to party and hang out and do as much as they can and not have to be on the phone with their mom, or my mother's is like, and I remember when she told me this, and and I I appreciated the way she did it. She said, I'm not calling you to harass you, I'm not calling you to be on the phone with you, I'm not calling you to interrupt what you're doing, I'm calling you to know exactly where you are, when you're coming home, what situation are you in, and if you need me, right? And without me speaking to her, she can't make that assessment. So if I'm ignoring her, I'm making it difficult for her to do her job as my mother. And I I know after that conversation that I had with her, I would always check in with her just so she could know I was fine and I was okay. Um, and I wasn't doing anything where I wouldn't be able to, you know, get home or get in trouble or whatever it may be. So I really didn't realize when I was in those years that I was missing guidance. The moment in time that I realized when I was missing guidance, uh I don't want to say when I met my wife, but uh when her and I started dating, we we come from different upbringings, you know. And just meeting her parents and seeing what they're like with her and their interactions and what her relationship is with her mother, what her relationship is with her father. And it to me, in my eyes, I was like, man, me and her, we have completely different like upbringings, and I see the world a specific way because of that, and she sees it a different way because of that. Um, so that's when I kind of realized, and I wouldn't say guidance, I would say she was a little bit more prepared, and had like again, you know, if she needed something about X, she could go to her dad, or something about Y, she would go to her mom. I had if I needed something, I'd have to figure out who I have to go to for that specific uh conversation or specific advice. Um so not that I was missing anything because I wasn't, and my family did a my family, and when I say my family, I mean my my mom, my grandmother, my aunts, they did a wonderful job of just instilling it with me and and and giving me advice and life lessons that I needed growing up, right? Um did I complete college at a timely manner? No, did I have a career ready? No, but was I a person with passion who was discovering themselves? Yes, and was I a good person at my core? Yes. And did I know exactly where I wanted to be? Yes, and those are important things because I feel like there's a lot of people in this world who Are lost who they might have the college degree, they might have um an idea of where they want to go, but they don't have the work ethic, the passion, or the conviction to follow through with those things, and I feel like I got that from them. Um so that's kind of the answer to that question, and it was very long-winded, over 10 minutes, but that's where that is. When did you feel the pressure of having to figure things out myself? Um when I got uh when I started dating my wife, right? I I learned a lot of things about myself with her and through her. Um I started to figure, like, hey, you know, I'm in a space where a few people in my family have gone through it. Maybe a few people could relate to me. Um but I'm I'm charting waters here that maybe some of the people that I normally go to might not be able to, they could give me advice, but they might not be able to relate to me per se at that moment in time. Um so I would I I would say that, and it's it's been an amazing journey since I'm gonna say that, right? I've learned so much about myself, I've grown as an individual and as a person. Um, there's some things that I've learned from her um and from her family that have kind of completed a piece of where I needed to go, right? Um so it kind of is in a blueprint, but I kind of as I got older was starting to figure things on on my own. Um and I kind of watched and read stuff um to prepare myself to like understand, figure out, uh, and I and I wouldn't, I'm not talking about like I read a book on how to be successful in marriage or how to be no, I I watched interviews, which is what I do now, which is coincidentally. Like my favorite things to do is watch interviews of individuals who I connect with. I don't want to say I'm a fan of, I'm gonna say that I connect with because I feel like at the core a fan is that is a person that connects with someone somehow on some level, right? So I've watched interviews of people I connected with, and I've read biographies of biographies of people who um I admire their story, you know, and then I feel like I could learn something from so that that that's kind of like what I uh what I did along the way. Um and as much as I didn't want to hear it, I always tried to be as honest as possible with myself. Now, what I mean when I say that is when I looked in the mirror, if I did something wrong, I would I would talk to myself, like not, you know, but I would keep it real with myself and understand what I was doing, and if it was wrong or right, I would hold myself accountable to those things. Um, so this is where kind of like the metamorphosis of things started happening. Um, and what inspired me to finally talk about this publicly is I don't think it's an inspiration. I think when I sat down to reset or redo this podcast, something I was getting out of it was I love doing the interviews, I love doing the shows, I love producing the content, but I felt like it was also therapeutic, right? When I would interview these guests on the show, I would relate with them or connect with them some form or fashion, and um they would inspire me, right? There were people from similar backgrounds as me, and they would give me their story and share with me what they did to get to where they wanted to go, uh, and how they found out what their vision was. So when I sat to reset this show and redo it again, uh I wanted it to be entertaining, yes, but I wanted it to be more personable. I wanted the show to be about me specifically. I mean, the goddamn show has my name on it now. Um, and I wanted to get something out of it, and I also wanted to speak about things that I've never spoken about publicly. Like I did over 200 episodes, and there was bits and pieces here where I spoke about my personal life and me personally. Um, I always interviewed a guest, had a topic, a conversation, and I learned what that was and how to interview, how to conduct an interview, how to keep things interesting, how to move the conversation on, and so on and so forth. And people would turn on to the podcast, tune into the podcast for the guests, but not me. So I felt like when I was gonna relaunch this show, I wanted them to get to know me personally first, and I wanted to share stories that they can connect with, and they could feel like, hey man, I'm actually going through that as well. So this is what inspired me to finally talk about this and the future episodes you'll be seeing on the show. Now, why do so many men suffer in silence with this? Um, I don't know if they suffer in silence, I just think men choose to um share with whoever they want to share and be personable with whoever they want to be personable. I think there's an idea out there of what a man is, and it could be truth or it could be false. You know, growing up as a kid, that you were told that the man went out there, made all the money, came back and provided, and was the law in the house, and yada yada yada. Yes, but I don't think that's the full story, and I don't think that's how it worked. I think any successful marriage is a collaboration, and it takes communication, hard work, and um sacrifice as well. And uh, what's the word? Damn, it's stare it's another synonym for sacrifice or whatever, but um compromise, and it takes compromise. So I think that's what that is. So, do we really know what the idea of a man is? And now there's this thought where, like, well, men are men, they're you know, they're not like they used to be, they don't build them like they used to be. Uh, I think with times things change. Uh, people need to learn how to grow, adapt, and um and be able to change according to the times. Three things that I've learned in my entire life is always keep an open heart. I'm sorry, always keep an uh open mind, a compassionate heart for everyone, and always know that hard work always pays after pays off no matter what. So those are three things I try to establish and I try to do and I try to live by every day. So do men suffer with this. I don't know. I mean, there's there's people that have advocated for men to speak up more and be more vocal, and I think in doing so, there's more benefits than negatives, you know. One of the things I really don't care about what someone thinks about me, I only care about what I think about myself and what my loved ones think about me. Um, so if I share something and people are like, oh, I don't agree with that, I could care less. This is not about what your opinion of me is. This is me sharing something with you, and if you relate with it, cool. And if there's something that you can share with me, glad to hear it. So um, yeah, I don't think they really suffer, I just think they've certain people are influenced by the wrong ideas, and I think a healthy dialogue will always you know bring up an idea or an emotion that you haven't thought of on your own or by yourself. So it's it's always good to convey how you're feeling at that point in time. So, yeah. Um, we're gonna take a small break, uh, but we'll be right back with more of the up. So I've I recorded the two AM crew, and I'm recording this pod now. And I've been drinking water and beer, so I needed to use the restroom. So sorry about that for uh break, but it's this episode is called No Blueprint for that reason, right? Um, I spoke about my upbringing, I spoke about myself, things that I've learned, how I view things, um, how I uh deal with things. I always in the morning reflect a lot. Um, I listen to music, I have questions about myself or and and things about the situations that I find myself in. Um, and I try to think of solutions or how can I improve things every day? I always think how can I make this better, how can I make that better, how can I make things at work better, how can I make my things at life better and at home better, how can I improve my kids' lives? Am I doing a great job? Um, that that's something I feel everyone needs to do. And if you aren't doing so, then there's that again, that piece, that drive, that ambition, it's missing. So in the mornings I do that. Um, and I always feel a certain amount of gratitude in the morning, and I try to find inspiration. Um, and but what I mean by that is it's something that either a message, a song, a book, a conversation with an individual that's gonna get me um motivated or fired up to tackle the day, right? Usually with the sports show, it's usually you know a win or a loss from one of our teams. Um, that could get you going. Uh, motivating things for me are personal things, you know. Did my wife had a great day? Did my kids have a good day? Or um I assess relationships, my relationship with my wife, my relationship with my son, my relationship with my two daughters, and how I how can I improve those things? So, those are the things that I think about in the morning, and where I'm liking lacking in those areas. Um, excuse me. So now we're speaking about the husband and father figure part, right? There really is no blueprint because every situation is different, is different, every relationship is different, every dynamic is different because every person is different. Um, in my relationship, which I'm gonna talk about me and my wife, right? I I didn't know it at the time, but it was when we started dating, like it was exactly what I needed, right? Um, she has a ton of qualities that I don't have, and she's relentless, she's driven, she's smart, she's funny. Um and she's a great partner and a great mom, right? And when you're looking for when you're trying to have a relationship with someone, you shouldn't be look for looking for like, oh, I want to have a great relationship with this person. It should be more who's a great partner and good match for me, right? Obviously, attraction plays a part, and the physical plays a part, yes, but outside of those things, you gotta dig a little deeper, right? Uh, is this someone that wants the best interest for myself and them? Is this someone that um our goals aligned? Is this someone that's gonna push me and I push that person? Is this the person I wanna just be at home and watch television with? Is this uh person that I want raising my children? So a lot of factors go into play when you're trying to figure out who's gonna be your girlfriend or your fiance, but your partner in life. Because technically, when you're looking for a wife, that's what you should be looking for a partner in life that 30 or 40 years from now everybody has their disagreements and their um conversations and their moments, but 30 or 40 years from now, can you sit at home and do the little things with this person? Or are you gonna be enthusiastics about and I said a enthusiastic about just sitting at home watching a film or going out to dinner or spending time alone? Is this the person that's going to um tend to you when needed? And for me, I'm lucky. I feel like she checks all those boxes, right? And I'm not like a really emotional person, you know. I I don't really express um myself like that. Um I there's times where you feel it and you say it, right? That that that's me. I don't I don't do it every day. I don't, you know, but there's those moments where I feel like it's necessary to voice that and voice what that person means to you, and I do it, and she understands me, and she understands who how I am, and she knows when I say something, it's it's I'm not just saying it to say it, you know. But that's just me. Um, and when it comes to my kids, I question everything I do, everything I say to them. Uh, I I ask my wife, you know, like, am I am I doing this the right way? Um is it better to be feared or to be loved? A lot of questions come into play, especially with them. Um because I just want to enjoy them as much as possible, but I I I gotta keep in mind that I'm the person, one of the two people that's in charge of making sure that these individuals have what they need when they're adults and are able to maintain uh uh and make great decisions on their own. So it's very difficult, you know. It's it's a very thin line to walk every day. Sometimes you feel like, am I being too stern? Or am I being too soft? I I don't know if all parents go through that, but I certainly do. And I always question like where I am with them, um, and what kind of personal one-on-one relationship. I have three, so um, I have with them. Am I a good dad? Am I giving them that piece of nugget that when they're 25, they're gonna be like, well, you know, my dad always said this and this was true, or my mom always said this, and that was true. So there really isn't a roadmap for that, but there is people who have been there before, right? And for me, I speak to you know, my friends or peers that have children and go through the same situation as I do, um, to see if it if it's just me, and then when you feel realize it's it's not just you, you know, like they're going through the same thing, then you have that conversation, like, well, what do you do? This is what I do, this is what we go through, um, this is who we reach out to. Um, and it is it's great connecting and sharing those things. And then I speak to the people that have been there and done that before, because as much as you don't want to hear it when You're young, and as much as you don't want to hear it when you're old, people that have been there done that before, they can tell you how the story goes from a perspective of where it's going. So there really isn't a blueprint. There really is. There wasn't for me. And not just because of my upbringing. But I believe there isn't a blueprint for anybody. I firmly and solely believe it depends on you as a person. What you want to do where you want to go, and you gotta figure out how you're gonna do that. And you gotta assess yourself every day. Am I working towards that? And if you're not, you gotta be real with yourself. Um if I wanna get to this spot, or you're a person who doesn't want to be married, doesn't want to have children, but you want to be as successful at a specific singular goal, then I believe you have to become obsessed with what it is that you want to do. And like I said, hard work, right? Hard work and dedication will always trump everything else. Some people take shortcuts, there's nepotism, there's all that. But the road to get to where you're going is what teaches you how to stay there. Right? So never take that for granted. So in closing, there isn't a blueprint. But there are sources for you to go to. And there is yourself to self-evaluate what it is exactly that you want to do. And I hope you guys got something out of today's episode. If you have any questions, comments, or concerns, you can email me at the Rick H show at gmail or send me a direct message. Till then. Thank you for stopping by. Thank you for listening. If you're listening to this after it was recorded, and if you have suggestions or comments or anything, or you want to be a guest on the show, just let me know. I'll see you again on Monday, nine o'clock. Till then, enjoy your Memorial Day weekend. And let's go next.