The Weight I Never Talked About | The Rick H. Show | Ep. 237

Episode 237:
Lately, I've been asking myself some hard questions.

Am I being the father my kids deserve? Am I showing up for my wife the way she needs me to? Have I been the friend people can count on? And maybe the hardest question of all... Have I lost the part of me that loves to create?

For a while, the microphone stayed off. The camera collected dust. Ideas came and went, but nothing felt good enough to share. Self-doubt has a way of making you forget everything you've accomplished.

So I had to remind myself.

I've never been just a podcast host.

I've been the producer, the writer, the creative director, the interviewer, the audio engineer, the video editor, the graphic designer, the marketer, and the person behind the scenes making sure every episode comes to life. I've built a podcast network from the ground up. I've helped create shows for other people. I've filmed, edited, and produced content that many people never even realized I was behind.

Somewhere along the way, I stopped giving myself credit.

This episode isn't about pretending everything is okay. It's about what happens when the person everyone believes in has to figure out how to believe in himself again.

If you've ever questioned your purpose, your abilities, or whether you're enough for the people you love, I hope this conversation reminds you of something we all forget from time to time:

Your worst season doesn't erase everything you've built.

Sometimes, before you can move forward, you have to remember who you've always been.

Transcript

SPEAKER_00 0:56

Welcome, welcome, welcome, welcome to another edition of the Rick H show. Um thank you for joining me. I'm gonna get better with Mondays at nine. Um, the timing, I'm so sorry that everything is shaking on this desk. The timing hasn't been working out like I'd wanted to. Excuse me, I want to be more consistent with Mondays at nine. But um today's episode, it was uh a thought that I was having uh throughout the entire month of June, and especially before the July 4th weekend. Um and it's something that you know last maybe five, six years. Let me press live here on TikTok. But the last maybe I would say five, six, seven years ago, you know, men started discussing more openly and discussing, you know, mental health a lot more. Um it happens to everyone. Uh, I've been vocal in the past about it. Uh, it just kind of hit like a ton of bricks the last two months. Um, I found it very difficult to uh just go through the day-to-day process, you know. Um okay, let me calm down. Uh yeah, it's um doubt creeps into your mind, um a lot of it all at once, and kind of like a snowball domino effect happens where you start to question a couple things, you know, like am I a good father, am I a good husband, am I a good friend, am I a good colleague, am I a good son, am I a good brother? And you know, am I good at at you know my life? You know, and am I present and aware for people in my life who love and appreciate and are always there for me? Um do I show love the same amount of love that I'm given on a day-to-day basis? Do I take anyone for granted? Like uh lot goes through my mind, and then you know, you start to feel like maybe you're not good enough to be X, Y, and Z, or maybe you're not, and that's when the doubt starts to creep in. And you know, today was a rainy day, and I kind of was reflecting this on the commute to work. Um, and you know, I'm grateful for everyone that's in my life and around me because uh I think it really is the people around you, the community that you keep around you that um just give you the reminders that you need, and the um either the space or you know that that time. Um because I'm be honest, you know, I really have been going through it, you know. Although, so this podcast is different from 2M crew, right? This is just me. This is about me, just me being honest about my life, telling my story uh as I live it, as you know it is, and these are like my inner thoughts, right? I'm gonna interview people and give them an opportunity to tell their story, learn about other individuals' stories. But this this is really about me like burying, like bearing myself or uh not bearing, but you know, like breaking myself down and being wrong. And honestly, I I was going through it the last two months. Um, I didn't feel like I was holding up my end of the bargain in any of the titles or roles that I hold in my life, um, and that's that doubt that creeps in. That's that uh am I doing good enough? Am I you know that self-evaluation uh moment, you know, and I I only found myself like changing my train of thought when I was around my my kids and my wife, like um I'm very grateful to have what I have. I'm super like it really took a huge toll on me. Um these last couple of uh of weeks. I just you know, being honest, you know, you go through life and and and the world that we live in, everything is you know, go go go go. And then you set some goals for yourself and some expectations, and you're you're chasing those things, and um, either when you meet them or you you don't meet them, you end up in the space that I currently was in, which was not a good one. Um but over the years I've I've built a really nice system around me to check me when I go through those uh laps, you know, or those um thoughts. Um you know, because everybody goes through it. I did a whole episode about not measuring yourself against anybody, like any friend or your life is your life, you live it on your timeline. Never compare yourself to other people, never say, oh, this person's here, I should be here. Um, but you know, we're all human. Sometimes you go through it, you're like, man, I'm this age, I'm here, I'm in this part, and and it and sometimes you become like super ungrateful for what you have already, you know, because you kind of get lost in what you're where you're trying to get to, and then there are moments where life reminds you that you are where you're supposed to be, and that you should cherish what you have, and I gotta be honest, like I felt lost for a while there, like really lost. I didn't want to really creating episodes and writing content and producing stuff, it's something that comes out of you when you're inspired, you're in that moment, and there's stuff you got and you want to, you know, bring out to the world. There's this art that you want to push out to the world, but if you're not in that space, like what do you do? And and I really was not in any space to create or talk or interview to anyone. Um, thank God the other pod that I do is is with a co-host and Jason's, you know, I I could lean on him for uh some things and I could take some moments off and allow him to take the lead on some stuff when I wasn't fully present, but um you start to look at the moments in all your facets of life. Like you start to look at how you're being a partner to your wife, or how you're being a parent to your kid, or how you're doing that work, and or and you don't feel like you're doing a good enough job, you feel like a failure and more doubt, more guilt comes in, and it gets compounded. Um honestly that that's where I've been. That's the space I've been for the last I'm gonna say two months. Um because when you have questions and you don't have answers to your own questions, it really isn't um a good time, you know. And when you don't have those answers, you're leaving that door open for that doubt to creep in. And that's where that's where I've been for the last two months. Now I want to say this, right? When you're in that space, it's not something that you're constantly in it 24 hours a day, seven days a week. No, you're in that space for the majority of the time. Like I said, when I was with my kids and my wife, it was they're able to put me in such a happy place that I really truly appreciate that this life that we this family that I have. Um but when I'm not in that space, like I'm trying to write a podcast or produce a show or I'm at work, there are no safety nets there. Um, and that's really where I've been, and again, I talked about building a community and a foundation around you. Um and I've always had friends, like really close friends, that um because of distance now and where we are in life, it's not like before where we used to see each other every day, and we used to um be around each other a lot. Uh but if I pick up the phone and I call one of them, it's just like I was with them, you know, yesterday. And I really gotta say, you know, Lewis, big Lou, Louis Tapia, uh my brother, Craig's Bugs, um Max, Rolando, they've they've always been they never, yes, man. They they'll give you an unfiltered opinion about you, and and the way they give it to you is so you can know that it's for your own good, and they always have my best interest at heart. Now, when I was younger, I didn't really understand that, but as the the older I get, the more um wisdom and the more I go through life, I start to appreciate people like that in my life. You know, when I was younger, it was very easy to say this guy's my friend, that's got this is my boy, this is my friend, but in reality, it really that's not how this thing works, man. Like, excuse me, you really gotta make the right decisions with the people that you allow to be close to you and in your space and um share time with you. And each one of my friends brings something completely different to the table, and it's it's they are almost perfect to what I need, and I never realized that when I was younger, and I might have maybe taken it for granted, and that's on me, and I'll chalk that up to me. I won't say, you know, immaturity or whatever. No, I I I chalk that up to me. But I'm learning, I'm understanding at work. When you're at work, people don't really think about it this way. But when you're at work, you need to find a profession and a space where um, first of all, you enjoy what you do, you feel fulfilled, and very importantly, the people that are around you at work uh they become like a second family. Because as much as the world wants to, you know, the the word work, uh it's sometimes seen in the negative light. But if you if you're doing something that you're into and with with people who are fantastic and have nothing but your best interest at heart, uh it really isn't work. You you're creating something together, whatever it is that you're doing. Um, and sometimes at work, you you get those questions yourself. You start thinking, am I being the best teammate? Am I being the best if you're in a higher position coach or manager or whatever? Luckily, what I do for a living, I've been doing it for uh going on 13 years. Well, the people I work with again, it's been a blessing. Um, when I was younger, never in a million years did I think that I'd be working in the field that I work in. But when you have a great supporting cast at work and at home, you can live a happy and fulfilled life. Um, and if you're unhappy at work, it can really carry into your personal life. So make that assessment. But time, like what I'm speaking about in the last few weeks is is a a like a snowball effect of all those things coming together. And some of it is true. There are some there's some truth to the thoughts that come to your mind in those moments. And sometimes you just need someone with a different perspective around you to change the train of thought that you're having. There's people that check in with themselves every morning. And that's the reason why. Because this what I'm talking about is a real thing, and it happens. Some of us are lucky. Um I have to remind myself of who I am and what I do. And that's for each role. That's for the role when I'm a father, when I'm a brother, when I'm a son, when I'm a husband, you know, podcaster, creator, whatever it is. You know, today I was thinking, I haven't done the Rick A show in a while. What would be the topic of discussion? Like, what would what would be a good episode? And I had a couple of friends of mine that were lined up to be guests on the show, but realistically, I felt like I needed to get this off my chest. Like I really needed to remind myself who I am, and sometimes, you know, pardon my French, but in this space of whatever you want to call it, content creating, podcasting, um whatever it is, right? This is something I do because I love and I'm passionate about. Excuse me, and what this morning, I had to remind myself. I'm really, I'm I'm not gonna say I'm the greatest, but I am fucking great at this. I've done everything there is to do in this space. I've produced hundreds of episodes, I've written scripts, I've edited audio, I've edited video, I've built two networks, I've helped other podcasters create their shows, I've produced shows. I've done it all in this space, in this medium. I've created shows for myself. Anytime there was a hurdle or a mountain or a problem or something I didn't know, I invested time into conquering that role. And if you came to me with an idea for a show, I can give you 15 episodes off the top of my head, and I could tell you exactly how to start. Because I've done it on a big network, small network, independently. Uh I've made connections. I know people in major companies. I've I really have done it all. And that's where this is where you start to, and that's just in the podcast world. You gotta remind yourself if you're him or you're her in what you do, you gotta keep that in your mind to get yourself out of that fuck, right? And you gotta do the same for your title as a husband, your title as a father, as a brother, as a friend, as everything. Nah, man, I'm that I'm that fucking guy in this space. I'll give you that one. And that one, name me some of the legends from this realm, and I guarantee you I got a connection with them. Or I guarantee you they know me. And that's when that energy comes in, and that attack mode comes in for me. And again, this is just me. This is when I get in that space, I could be in it for a while or not. But then I figure my way to remind myself who I am. And then the confidence comes back, and a different energy comes back to me. I guarantee you, I've done it all. In this space, I've done it all. Right. And I've never been the one to say, oh nah, that's like any new podcaster could come and teach me something I didn't know. I've always had that open mind to be like, I, you know, let me learn. I always try to learn from everybody. But I I've done it all. I really have. And I am him in this fucking realm. And sometimes you gotta remind yourself that. You really do. So many people in my network. Real people that I mess with. Like I got I got a nice network of, yeah, I'm not gonna name names, but personal relationships that I've built over the years, just being me, just being myself. And I would ask myself, like, hey, why this person who is, you know, the resume is this, but they they they they they mess with me. They do. I got be I got people's personal shell numbers that like and it's because I I have to remind myself I'm that dude. I really am just to get my my set correct. I've created a pod, I've collaborated, I've made money off this show, I've done it all. And that's just not, you know, work. Sometimes I gotta look at where I started, where I'm at, and see the journey. And know that the journey's not over. Always work. So yeah. That's some of the weight that I carry. Now, if you're in that inner circle, the inner workings, you know about all this. If you're not, and this is the first time you're hearing it, everyone goes through it. And I wanted to do today's episode about it because I wanted, you know, maybe one of the X amount of listeners that I have or viewers or whatever needed to hear it at that moment. And if it's just one, then that's more than that's one more than we had yesterday. So when you get into those spaces, there's many things you can do. Just know you ain't the only one. I I want to thank every person that has listened and subscribed since the reset episode. I really the response has been tremendous for me personally. The outreach. Um, I didn't I did this with zero expectations, which makes me appreciate the response a little bit more, but um, I want to thank you for allowing me to um be able to be a hundred percent unfiltered with you and allow me to build a relationship with you as a listener of this show, um and I'll continue to do episodes like this where I'm just giving you an inside look at me and who I am. So if you like content like this, um you know, uh subscribe, share, like, whatever one of those things are for you, you know, do it. Sharing is the best. Uh, I do want to hear uh your thoughts on some of these subjects that we're touching upon. So if you do want to send me an email or direct message, it's at the Rick HShow on Instagram. It's the RickH Show at gmail if you want to send us an email. Uh the show streams live Mondays at nine o'clock. Please tune in next Monday. Catch me tomorrow night with my co-host Jason as we stream another episode of the 2 a.m.

unknown 31:08

crew.

SPEAKER_00 31:10

But until then, thank you for listening. Thank you for tuning in. Truly appreciate you. Have a great night, everyone.